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New Law Allows Employers to Get “Machiavellian”

October 30, 2012

S1166b is a new bill meandering its way through Senate Committee which provides incentives to employers to “go all Machiavellian” on employees, provided they meet the conditions of the EEOC.

“We want to ensure that all employees have equal opportunity to advance in their careers under this new legislation,” said Patty Murray.

The groundbreaking legislation, strongly supported by both parties in Congress and the Chamber of Commerce, gives tax breaks to small businesses that can show they hired a top-notch candidate and then broke him down to grovelling level. Employee rights groups are up in arms about the legislation, but what aren’t they up in arms about. Amirite?

Supporters of the bill claim that this type of behavior is already taking place so why not reward successful businesses? When a new self-important candidate is hired, say supporters, he has to be shown that he is non-special. The only way to do that is to treat him like dirt. “Sometimes you just got to go upside the head!” said Murray.

Once the new person is hired, he then has to be made to feel “trapped” in his position. The only way to do this is by promising the employee that he will be terminated and blacklisted. No reference letters will be given, and a made up story about how he stole the company’s property will be provided to potential future employers. He will be ruined. Unless, that is, he works long hours, for less pay, and only leaves when the company is done with him. There will be no “moving to better position” within the company or to another employer.

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