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Bad things to say to a woman

April 28, 2012

There are some things that, while true, should never be said to a woman. Let’s say there are many such things, but I recently thought of a couple I have said myself and wanted to share with you.

That’s because the cat doesn’t talk.

I said this once, and immediately realized how awful it was. Sure, a woman’s incessant badgering will drive you insane, but never tell her to STFU. It says that what she has to say is worthless. Sometimes this is true. But you should never actually say it. Just think it to yourself. The actual conversation went something like this: 

“You get along better with the cat than you do with me.”

“That’s because the cat doesn’t talk.”

If you think about it, it’s true. One reason we get along so well with animals is that they don’t talk to us. Our relationships with them are simple. We may love them and they us, but there is no need for a conversation, really. If only the same were true of a man’s relationship with a woman. What’s the point of talking? We say something, and you get offended. We don’t say anything, and you get offended. If we weren’t able to talk to each other, things would work out a whole lot better.

It’s not that I’m not interested–I’m disinterested.

Only a woman with a law degree or a degree in philosophy would be able to walk away from this one and stay in a relationship with you. Technically, it means that you are neutral with respect to your feelings for her. You can take it or leave it, more or less. But practically, there is no difference. If you are disinterested in the relationship, then what’s the point? Well, maybe because you are bored, but I digress…

I really don’t think it [sex] is a good idea.

Believe it or not, this is something men say from time to time. It’s a mistake, always, but we do say it. I can recall two relationships where I said this. One, after a break-up, and the other when discovering a genital abnormality. In the first case, I had been seeing this girl for about a half a year and she just wouldn’t put out. We would make out for what seemed like hours and there was some heavy petting, but I never got off. Someone had soiled her reputation (banged her when drunk) and she was trying to make good with her friends. 

“See, I have this boyfriend and we haven’t had sex yet; so I’m not a slut!”

Of course, she didn’t actually say that, but that’s what she felt. I’m pretty sure. I had had enough jerking off for pleasure and I needed to get laid. I slept with someone from work after we broke up. She (the ex) came over one day to tell me that she wanted to get back together and that, “I’ll do whatever you want.” Now I look back on that day and regret telling her that I didn’t think it was a good idea. The sex could have been really good. But six months? Really? We were college students for Christ’s sake.

The other relationship was with a girl that was really cool. She was funny, cute, and different from every other girl I had been in a relationship with. She was interesting. But, being the honest asshole I was, I told her that sex was so important to me that we had to break up. She had some kind of genital abnormality that would only allow us to have oral or anal sex. Guys, this is true, I’m not shitting you. She was willing to do all of that but I told her it wasn’t to be. These were both mistakes, if only for that fact that I missed out on some great sex.

So there you have it–three things never to say to a woman. 

  • That’s because the cat doesn’t talk.
  • It’s not that I’m not interested–I’m disinterested.
  • I really don’t think it [sex] is a good idea.



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  1. Funnily enough I have also said all of the above to girlfriends, so it’s not just men that think these things. The only difference is that I also got jealous of her cats. Is that sad or what?

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