Scientists discover nice is not sexually attractive

Harvard Psychology professor Susan Carey published a 30-year study of young adults’ sexual behavior. The adults ages ranged from 18 to 28, were single and heterosexual white females from suburban New Jersey.

“What we found was that the young females were more attracted to jerks than nice guys,” said Carey, “There was a strong correlation between arrogant gorilla type behavior and persistent sexual bonds between females and males.”

“Nice guys are ok but what really gets me hot is an insensitive douchebag guido,” said one participant.

The study discusses possible reasons for the attraction. One suggestion is that the females’ own lack of self-image commits them to doomed relationships. They are good for sex, but don’t typically last very long, as the male grows tired of “The same old smushtime.” Another postulated reason is that the females fantasize about being able to change the male.

“They see their role as being essentially nurturing. Nice guys are already ‘fixed’ so the females move toward males that need help,” suggested Carey.

What this means for the online dating community remains to be seen, as women have a broader range of men to choose from. “There’s like so many guys online at these sites that I’m awash in man meat,” said Queen Pasta.