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Adam Corolla Podcast — Review

AC

 

 

 

 

 

 

I like Adam’s podcast. The live shows are superb, but there is room for improvement with the studio broadcast.

Here’s the deal. Adam and I are from the same generation. We grew up listening to the same music and we both grew up relatively poor. To that extent I can identify with some of Adam’s gripes about people that come from similar backgrounds that blame everyone else but themselves for their problems. But now that Adam is rich and his sh*t doesn’t stink, he’s become something of a bigot. Fear not, however, as I believe that there is still room in Adam’s heart for change.

Adam likes to rant about people that have sh*tty jobs or lives. It reminds me of how my grandparents used to warn me about becoming the trash man if I didn’t apply myself in school. See, now that Adam is a wealthy celebrity he likes to think that he did it all himself; that his success is the result of his own hard work and talents. People that complain about life or just aren’t successful are so because they are either lazy or stupid (or both). Adam, that’s not really how life works. That’s how it works in sports–we like sports because of its purity in that people are there because of their talents. But real life is not a game with rules that are enforced by a ref. There is no instant replay. All along the way there are people that need to say “yes” in order for you to progress to the next level. Sometimes these people don’t even need a reason to say “no” and there is no one watching and the audience won’t even notice.

People that deserved success have been rejected all throughout history. There is no natural law–as much as it might comfort us to think so–that governs who gets wealthy and famous. I could be born into a trust without having lifted a finger. I could have come from a well-established family and simply went with the flow. But just like we admire the champion athlete, we admire that guy that started from nothing and won it all. The reason why we love it is because we think that’s how life SHOULD be, and we know that’s not how it is.

New Law Allows Employers to Get “Machiavellian”

S1166b is a new bill meandering its way through Senate Committee which provides incentives to employers to “go all Machiavellian” on employees, provided they meet the conditions of the EEOC.

“We want to ensure that all employees have equal opportunity to advance in their careers under this new legislation,” said Patty Murray.

The groundbreaking legislation, strongly supported by both parties in Congress and the Chamber of Commerce, gives tax breaks to small businesses that can show they hired a top-notch candidate and then broke him down to grovelling level. Employee rights groups are up in arms about the legislation, but what aren’t they up in arms about. Amirite?

Supporters of the bill claim that this type of behavior is already taking place so why not reward successful businesses? When a new self-important candidate is hired, say supporters, he has to be shown that he is non-special. The only way to do that is to treat him like dirt. “Sometimes you just got to go upside the head!” said Murray.

Once the new person is hired, he then has to be made to feel “trapped” in his position. The only way to do this is by promising the employee that he will be terminated and blacklisted. No reference letters will be given, and a made up story about how he stole the company’s property will be provided to potential future employers. He will be ruined. Unless, that is, he works long hours, for less pay, and only leaves when the company is done with him. There will be no “moving to better position” within the company or to another employer.

On Bowing Out Gracefully

We’re born, we live, and then we die. These are the bare facts of our existence that are inescapable.
Perhaps there was a mescaline-fueled moment in your yesteryear in which you were presented with other fantastic ideas; you would become a gnat in your next life, for example. But alas, this is a fool’s dream, like in some Martin Short skit or Steve Martin movie.

It seems there should be some exit plan for leaving this world. But then it’s not really leaving this world, it’s returning what you took from it one last time. All of these cells in your body are replaced on a regular basis. You eat, your cells die, and they either fall off your body or you excrete them. There are also unfortunate incidents like having a limb hacked off, but this is a digression. In any case, some of us think there is something more to ourselves than a collection of cells, and for those people is written this post.


(This crib is ridiculous.)

No one had a discussion with me when bringing me into this world. My parents were young hippies and were merely having unprotected sex. I was “a mistake” to quote some words from my not so kind father, but I get his point. He did not go out gracefully, by the way, which has probably led me to consider how I would like to go. There is no “entrance plan” that is yours. You eventually become aware of life and start forming tangible memories. My earliest are at about the age of 4. They are short and only of places and there is no emotion attached to them.

You will have this mental life in between your earliest memories and dementia, which is this stage where your brain starts to shrink in your head and you lose your mind. I think this is where we should be bowing out gracefully; not in some assisted living facility where our relatives come to visit us even less than they still go to church, which they have no faith in anyway. But how do we bow out gracefully?

One idea is a gentle suicide, maybe with someone else who would like to go. You could surround yourself with flowers, dress up real nice, and then asphyxiate yourself with nitrogen (it’s supposed to be better than carbon monoxide). The idea here is at least to present yourself in a non-grim way for the coroner, relative, or whoever else may find you.

Another idea is to go out in extreme style, climbing Mt.Everest or bungee jumping off a cliff. This is the really exciting version of suicide, and it stays within the bounds of ethics so your relatives and friends don’t have to think about what you have done too much. Alternatively, there is the crazy psychopath, cop-assisted suicide, where you take out all of your enemies and get riddled with police bullets.

Bowing out gracefully has to be one of those planned out things, I think. So how do you want to go?

(Do you really want this to be your final message to the world?)

Napping Cat Seeking to Supplement Owner’s Income


(As my image indicates, I am highly qualified for this position.)

Due to hard economic times, I have decided to assist my owner with providing me with treats. He is currently on unemployment and has decided that all extra incomes will be put towards his drinking and smoking habit.

I have a great deal of experience with napping. I can nap for several times a day and for hours. My previous position as indoor domesticated feline would provide a good transition to the cat napping position, and I am very flexible with shifts. I understand that this is a temporary, minimum wage position, and that I will not be eligible for permanent, full-time employment should a position open up. Please contact me by email at your earliest convenience as I would very much like to meet with you in person to discuss my qualifications.

Regards,
Kat B. Catty

Human Resources is full of crap


(Who are these jerks?)

If you’ve ever been on a job search, and chances are you have, you’ve seen the most ridiculous ads for jobs. On an almost daily basis I come across an ad that wants references, resume, cover letter, and writing samples. Now, seriously, are they really going to read all that? I doubt it. They are going to get more than 100 responses to their posting. Are they going to read: 100 cover letters, 100 reference lists, 100 resumes, and 300 writing samples? No way.

I don’t understand how the people that manage hiring can keep their jobs with nonsense like this. I should be getting paid to do this. I have a much more simple method of hiring someone. Hear me out. Instead of the ridiculous method described above, I will post an ad with very specific requirements detailing what I am looking for in terms of education and experience. Then in the ad I will say to simply send your resume. Ok, now I have 100+ resumes. What I will do at this point is remove those resumes that don’t have the education and experience I’m looking for. Hopefully, I will have whittled my pile down to half or more, and all without age, gender, or class discrimination (I don’t even have an equal opportunity adviser).

Next, I’ll be a little more selective. What are some of the things I will look at? Well, let’s assume this is a job that requires a BS in Engineering and at least two years of experience. I’ve already weeded out the people that don’t have at least that. There must be people in there that have an MS. That’s better, so they go to the other pile. There must also be people with more than 2 years experience. They go to the other pile too. I should have a shorter, separate pile now.

Ok, so let’s say that I still have too many resumes. I want about a dozen and I have 30. There must be some other legal ways to eliminate resumes. Job gaps? Well, maybe, but I might want to let someone explain those. Job hopping? It depends. Maybe the person moved around a lot for other reasons. I wouldn’t wan’t to disqualify him for that. Aha! Grade point average. I could maybe select the top twelve if they listed it. But maybe I have too few now. Maybe only 8 of the people listed their GPA. I need 4 more resumes before I start calling people. Screw it, I’m done. I’ve got 8 people for one position.

Here’s my next step–phone interview. Here I just verify things on the resume for the most part, and listen to tone of voice and optimism and stuff like that. I’m not hiring a Debbie Downer. I want someone positive and dynamic on my staff. After these interviews I will select 4 people to come in for an interview. That’s it.

But you can see how little time this took as compared to asking those 100 people for a bunch of paperwork. Ridiculous.

If you’re unemployed, prepare to be more depressed

Unless, of course, you fit into that perfect corporate model of an ideal job-applicant. I came across a survey that gives some insight as to the types of people selected for job interviews. Here’s the info graphic:

I did a little math to sort all of this out and here is a ranking of types of people, from most likely to least likely to get an interview (higher number is worse):
(assuming applicant has skill requirements) Top applicants:
(30) In 30s, currently employed, solid work history.
(51) In 30s, out of work for less than 6 months, solid work history.
(58) In 30s, currently employed, but with employment gaps.
(69) In 30s, currently employed, but job-hopper.
(70) In 30s, out of work for 6 months to one year, solid work history.
(79) In 30s, out of work for less than 6 months, and with employment gaps.
(85) In 40s, currently employed, solid work history.
(86) In 20s, currently employed, solid work history.
(90) In 30s, out of work for less than 6 months, and job-hopper.
(97) In 30s, currently employed, but job-hopper with employment gaps.
(98) In 30s, out of work for 6 months to one year, and with employment gaps.
(99) In 50s, currently employed, solid work history.
(100) In 60s, currently employed, solid work history.
(106) In 40s, out of work for less than 6 months, solid work history.
(107) In 20s, out of work for less than 6 months, solid work history.
(109) In 30s, out of work for 6 months to one year, and job-hopper.

So rather than just being “job-hopping” that is the big culprit, it appears to be mainly companies practicing age discrimination. Of course, getting fired will also put a black mark on your soul, whether you deserved it or not.

Here is the whole chart:

IRONY

Applies Sunscreen Liberally

Gets 3rd degree burns

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